I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
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Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
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I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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