woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
