OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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