i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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