I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
