In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
