Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
