I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
