On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
