No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
