1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
