All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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