Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
