Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize