She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
