Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
