You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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