we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
