these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
