after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize