meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
