i think my tv is drunk
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
