goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
