This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
