Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
