Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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