We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
