Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
