I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
