Your tits are I can't wait for
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
