Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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