nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.