I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
