Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
