'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
