You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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