There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
