he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
