he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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