Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical

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(604): View more from British Columbia

omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life

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(813): View more from Florida

She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is

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(915): View more from Texas

at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?

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(208): View more from Idaho

I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying

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(28): View more from

so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.

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(386): View more from Florida

he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple

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