I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
