my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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