I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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