threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
