Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
