All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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