So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
it's great music for shaving your balls
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
