I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
