I want to make a zoo with you.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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