Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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