summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
