I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
