my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
