just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
