I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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