it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
wow bdsm is so cute
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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