just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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