Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
