my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
