Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
