Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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