you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
