Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
