i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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