well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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