im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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