drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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