You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
