I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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