areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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