it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
